LMFT, ATR, MBA
"The crux of my professional passion is helping people cultivate a conscious, connected, and deeply intimate love within non-monogamy and fluid relationships. At its best, non-monogamy is a catalyst that fuels deeper intimacy.”
Privately, I’ve been connected to poly, swing and kink communities since 2003 and understands the hurdles, massive emotional growth, and amazing joy these worlds can provide. During this time, I’ve experienced a vast array of relationship models from swinging to poly and every hybrid in between. All of these experiences have helped inform my therapeutic approach, so that my clients don’t have to learn the hard way, but rather can go forth from an informed place with enhanced confidence.Professionally:
I’ve also been a therapist since 2003, and along the way, I’ve absorbed the wisdom of the top relationship therapists across the world. Unfortunately, their lens is often conservative and does not consider the clients that come to me. As a solution, I have repurposed their knowledge through an open minded, flexible lens informed by my own theories and experiences. I have then combined this fusion with the knowledge from the top cutting edge sex positive educators in the United States. And finally, I funnel this secret sauce to my clients to help them find the relationship model and the relationship agreements that work for them.
With that said, my commitment is to help you find your authentic truth. I don’t have a bias towards non-monogamy. I have many clients who are from other alternative sex communities, such as the kink community, who are happily monogamous with their partner. If you are content with your relationship model, I’m not going to try to fix that which is not broken. And often I work with couples in which one client is extremely excited about non-monogamy and the other is scared. This is all okay and common. I’m here to meet you exactly where you are.Approach:
I understand that non-monogamy can poke at our unresolved attachment injuries. Partners who don’t feel secure within the relationship may fear being left, betrayed or disrespected. Partners who don’t feel free within the relationship may feel that their ideal non-monogamous dream is being hampered by an anxious partner. And last, unhealed wounds from the past can become amplified, projected onto our partner, and played out in painful ways.
Through an attachment focused, trauma informed lens, I help all parties involved feel heard, seen and validated. I use my communication model called EPIC to facilitate this process. Previous communication models teach empathy and validation, but they fail to inform the reader that if you are too emotionally upset and consequently dysregulated in your body, their communication model is unlikely to work. My communication approach addresses this issue by weaving somatic grounding into the whole communication process which enhances your ability to think clearly and make wise choices for yourself and your relationship. During this process, I will teach you somatic grounding skills, but you will also learn how to ground each other. A byproduct of grounding each other is an enhanced sense of love, warmth, and connection. My approach ends with a compassionate focus on problem solving that is informed by Buddhist teachings.
Untreated trauma can damage our relationship with loved ones, friends and peers. It can leave us feeing disconnected from our bodies while distorting our sense of self. It can show up as various emotional and somatic symptoms that challenge our ability to live a fulfilling life. Attempting to heal without help can feel like a game of whack a mole as one tries to manage all the shifting symptoms.
With two decades of experience, I can gently help you on your healing journey. I’m certified in EMDR (eye movement desensitization reprocessing) and this is the primary modality that I use. However, I like to dovetail this approach with other modalities such as somatic psychotherapy, art therapy, or semi-hypnotic visualizations. Together, we will find the combination of modalities that resonates for you and organically create a custom plan just for you.EMDR
EMDR can be defined as an evidence-based, clinician led, psychotherapy for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). According to EMDRIA.org, successful outcomes are well-documented in the literature for EMDR treatment of other psychiatric disorders, mental health problems, and somatic symptoms. I offer EMDR to both individual and couple clients.TRM
Am also trained in the trauma resource model (TRM) through the Trauma Resource institute. TRM is a somatic psychotherapy modality that is designed to help individuals understand the biology of traumatic stress reactions and learn the specific skills to return the body, mind and spirit back to balance after experiencing traumatic events. These skills can not only heal, but empower, giving back a sense of hope and agency. I often dovetail EMDR with somatic psychotherapy.Semi-hypnotic visualizations
I am a certified hypnotist through the Hypnosis Motivation Institute (HMI). I use this knowledge to inform my creation of semi-hypnotic visualizations. These powerful visualizations can be used simply for relaxing, but also can be a portal to much more profound work. Some common benefits include deep resourcing for future EMDR sessions or more targeted healing of the inner child. Often, clients report reduction in physical pain, a feeling of bliss, and a deeper connection to self, including to their inner child.
I have been connected to the kink community since around 2005 and identify as kinky. I’m kink informed and affirmative. In addition, my co-host of Open Deeply, Sunny Megatron, is an award-winning kink educator. As a therapist, I have helped clients clarify their kinks to their great delight. I have helped confused clients distinguish between good, positive BDSM versus what feels like abuse. I have helped clients create safe boundaries for themselves. Consent within BDSM is key and a very complex topic. Sunny Megatron’s PASSM system of consent, as discussed on episode twenty-three of Open Deeply, tackles this complexity with humor, clarity, and ease. For clients, who have left a relationship once they have realized that their partner was not in fact kinky, but was actually abusive, I offer trauma modalities to help you heal. I predominately use EMDR for deep work and healing, but we will also discuss how to have a safer, happier future. Kink can be wonderful. If this is your interest, let’s figure out a safe, sane, consensual model for you.
Adult Industry Professionals
Since 2011, the percentage of my clients who are professional Dommes, Escorts and Porn Performers and/or their loved ones continues to grow. Most of my adult industry clients love their profession and come to therapy for unrelated reasons. It’s not uncommon for porn performers to lovingly refer to their co-workers as their “porn family”. I respect those relationships and realize they are resources for the client. That said, couples in the industry or mixed couples (professional and “civilian”) have unique challenges that I understand and can help with. You needn’t feel that finding a therapist who gets you is impossible anymore. And I’m not the only one. There are many sex positive therapists who can offer support. Please see the APAC stamp approved therapists list https://www.apac-usa.com/professionals-therapists or pineapple support https://pineapplesupport.org/pineapple-support-therapists/ to find stigma free therapy.
I’m a registered art therapist and went to Loyola Marymount, one of the premiere art therapy programs in the nation for my master’s degree. Before starting my private practice in 2011, art therapy was my primary modality that I used in the clinics. Art therapy is a beautiful way to express subconscious complexity that the English language can not convey. It’s also a gentler modality if speaking about something painful is too hard. I find that coupling art therapy with another modality like somatic psychotherapy or EMDR often (not always) has the potential of allowing the client to fully move through a trauma to a point of feeling free from it. Also, the fuller range of expression that this modality provides allows me to get to know and connect to the client in an entirely different, powerful and meaningful way.